Around the NFL: 05/27/11

Around the NFL is a weekly feature on Foxboro Blog offering an irreverent (and sometimes humorous) look at some of the top news stories from the NFL. Read at your own risk!

  • The league cancelled its rookie symposium this year as a result of the lockout. Without proper education on issues such as women, finances, media relations and crime, I shudder to think what could happen to these upstanding young men in the future. We could be creating an entire draft class of Brandon Marshalls.
  • Speaking of criminals, Ray Lewis went on ESPN last weekend to warn of an increase in crime if the NFL lockout wipes out the season. You can follow the logic here. “Hey, what do you want to do on Sunday since we can’t watch the Ravens?” “I got an idea, let’s go rob a bank!” Thankfully, not everyone thinks like Ray Lewis. Otherwise we’d have a lot more stabbings.
  • Chad Ochocinco may take up snake wrangling. He is quickly becoming the NFL’s answer to the Discovery Channel’s Mike Rowe. Has he officially entered the phase in his career where no story involving him, no matter how absurd it sounds on its face, could be dismissed as unbelievable? Could you believe a story that he had a coke binge with three hookers on the balcony of a hotel and launched the bell boy to the concrete below? If I told you he was going to get gender reassignment surgery, would you dismiss it out of hand?
  • Albert Haynesworth’s road rage trial was delayed until next week. You really have the question what reason this guy has to be angry in the first place. If I was getting paid $100 million to occasionally play football in sub packages when the mood strikes me, you couldn’t erase my smile if you shit on my jeep on the freeway.
  • Peyton Manning underwent neck surgery this week. No surprise really. Holding up that enormous forehead must put a lot of strain on the top of the spine.
  • The NFL issued new guidelines this week to deter dangerous, flagrant hits. Naturally, Steelers LB James Harrison expressed his frustrations that the NFL will no longer allow him to remove his helmet and wield it as a weapon to maim opposing players fifteen seconds after the whistle. Of course, state and federal law didn’t prevent him from beating up the mother of his child in similar fashion, so I doubt he’ll let these pesky new league regulations get in his way.
  • Since the Foxboro Blog family recently added a Bears fan as a contributor, I couldn’t pass this story up. Chicago rookie LB J.T. Thomas took an eighth grade special needs girl to her prom. The stupid boys at her school wouldn’t take her, so J.T. stepped up to the plate and asked to be her date. You have to admire that sort of caring and compassion from a pro athlete.
  • Word on the street is Mark Sanchez wanted to take her too, but he had already committed to taking another girl to prom that same night. She was probably better off with J.T. since Sanchez’s intentions were probably not nearly as noble.